Jokes

[Drofder2004]

I made these up.....

How do fish (or snakes) get around a race track? ----- Scalectrix

Who do horses live next to? ---------- Neighbours

Im sorry there both crap. BUT I MADE THEM UP.

You made up the neighbours one? It spread quick, because I heard that when i was in primary school

And scalectrix.... LMFAO!

[MuRpHy*]

hehe nice jokes i like neons as well see the way i see it, is you dont need jokes to be funny. I make people laugh as they come to me, i dont prewrite them It all depends what we are talking about and what i can either make fun of or laugh at

[Soviet]

i got the best one yet...murphy's face

joking, joking

[Neon]

rofl, thats old

[MuRpHy*]

-.- Your a loser.

[Neon]

hehe nice jokes i like neons as well see the way i see it, is you dont need jokes to be funny. I make people laugh as they come to me, i dont prewrite them It all depends what we are talking about and what i can either make fun of or laugh at

i didnt read that properly lol.....yeah jks dont make u funny, its how u act/say shit....an stuff...

[MuRpHy*]

yea there ya go

[Soviet]

tis be true, and gosh murphy, it was just a joke

[MuRpHy*]

i never said it wasnt i made a sarcastic post

-.- Your a loser.

[Neon]

i never said it wasnt i made a sarcastic post

-.- Your a loser.

lmao, stop the flamin kiddies

[Soviet]

your just adding more spam to the topic, this is supposed to be about jokes...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman, and started canvassing a well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the
front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for
her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde, after looking about, said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she
might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, overheard
the conversation and said to her husband "Does she realize that the porch goes
all the way around the house?"

The man replied "She should, she was standing on it. Do you think she's
dumb?" "No....I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the 'dumb blonde'
e-mail we've been receiving."

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes" the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two
coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

and to make up for the sadness of that one, heres a good one

an irish guy walks out of a bar

yes, i know, their both bad, but at least its on topic

[Neon]

lo0ol, ive heard em b4, but there're still funny

[Neon]

(bringing dead topic back to life)

Football Quotes:

My parents have been there for me, ever since I was
about 7.'
- David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long
as we won the
league.'
- Mark Viduka

'We lost because we didn't win.'
- Ronaldo

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point
in getting out of
bed at the end of the day.'
- Neville Southall

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.'

- Ronnie Whelan

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday
when it flashed on
the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first
minute at
Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then
I remembered he
was out there playing.'
- Ade Akinbiyi

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
- Stuart Pearce

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at
this level. Well,
he's the only manager I've actually had at this level.
But he's the best
manager I've ever had.'
- David Beckham

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my
fault, but 7 of
which were disputable.'
- Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of
my life, and
hopefully after that as well.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like
Barcelona.'
- Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I
believe we'll win
the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're
knocked out.'
- Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the
beginning of the week,
but let me state that I don't want to leave
Leicester.'
- Stan Collymore

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us
the match.'
- Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
- Ugo Ehiogu

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for
years, even though I
live in Middlesborough.'
- Jonathan Woodgate

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told
me it was my
right.'
- Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a
foreign country.'
- Ian Rush

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had
11 internationals
out there today.'
- Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then
obviously my
right sock.'
- Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I
don't know into what
religion yet.'
- David Beckham

'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians
will be more
European.'
- Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be
crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'

- Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've
always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an
empty crowd.' -
- Johnny Giles

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises
me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and
wanted to see if
it worked.'
- Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We
were in
between.'
- Gary Lineker

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
- Thierry Henry

[Soviet]

wow, nice lol

[Drofder2004]

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I
don't know into what
religion yet.'
- David Beckham

LMFAO!
you just gotta feel sorry for him