Jokes

Ursemmer-Shapiro · Post by **Ursemmer-Shapiro** » July 8th, 2005, 5:16 pm

i thought there must be something funnys in this topics so post here some jokes to laugh and only jokes not replys like that 1 is funny plz

|-ERS-|Pvt.^Dwarf · Post by **|-ERS-|Pvt.^Dwarf** » July 8th, 2005, 6:47 pm

There were three men who were lost in the forest.

They were then captured by cannibals.

The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.

First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.

So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in.. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so the savages fell upon him and devoured him.

The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries.

When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself ,that this should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the ninth berry he suddenly burst out in laughter.

Summarily he was rended limb from limb and eaten.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.

The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it.. I looked up and saw that the third guy coming with an armload of pineapples."

Post by **Drofder2004** » July 8th, 2005, 7:18 pm

Code: Select all

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. 

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

sugarFREE · Post by **sugarFREE** » July 8th, 2005, 9:53 pm

This guy walks into a pub and he's really desprite for a shit. So he looked around on the first floor but couldn't find a toilet. So he went up stairs to find a toilet. But yet again he couldn't find one but in the middle of the floor was a hole. He was soooooooo desprite to do a shit that he did it down the hole. After coming back downstairs he realised that everyone had dissappeared. So he went up to the bar tender and asked " Hey where is everyone?" he asked, and the bar tender replies "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

[R]01`VspR · Post by **[R]01`VspR** » July 8th, 2005, 10:03 pm

sugarFREE wrote:This guy walks into a pub and he's really desprite for a shit. So he looked around on the first floor but couldn't find a toilet. So he went up stairs to find a toilet. But yet again he couldn't find one but in the middle of the floor was a hole. He was soooooooo desprite to do a shit that he did it down the hole. After coming back downstairs he realised that everyone had dissappeared. So he went up to the bar tender and asked " Hey where is everyone?" he asked, and the bar tender replies "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

God help me.

Ok now mine(this one is for dutchies)

You can be born in suriname or the netherlands.
If you are born in suriname nothing happens if you are born in the NL you have 2 chances. You can join the groundforces of the airforce. Join the groundforce and nothing happens, join the airforce and you have 2 chances. You can keep flying or you can crash. If you keep flying nothing happens, if you crash you have 2 chances. You can be burried or you can be burned to ash, if you are burried nothing happens. If you are burned to ash you have 2 chances. You can be spread out or you can be used to make paper. If you are spread out nothing happens. If you are used to make paper you have 2 chances. You can be painting paper of toilet paper. If you are painting paper nothing happens, if you are toilet paper you have 2 chances. You can go to the boys toilet or the girls toilet. The boys toilet nothing happens, the girls toilet you have 2 chances. You can be used behind or in the front. Behind nothing happens in the front you have 1 chance! Get that chance!

A1tjm · Post by **A1tjm** » July 9th, 2005, 8:09 pm

Extremely funny stuff, must read!!!!:

http://www.distortedprism.com/text/bloodcyber.html

Post by **Drofder2004** » July 10th, 2005, 12:37 am

A1tjm wrote:Extremely funny stuff, must read!!!!:

http://www.distortedprism.com/text/bloodcyber.html

http://www.i-am-bored.com by any chance?

Only looked at it yesterday on there

Neon · Post by **Neon** » July 10th, 2005, 8:20 am

the tests on this site make me laugh.........

http://www.rumandmonkey.com/widgets/

SilentX · Post by **SilentX** » July 12th, 2005, 10:48 am

omg that bloodnija thing is the funnyist s**t i have ever read!

=(LF)= KnakWorst · Post by **=(LF)= KnakWorst** » July 12th, 2005, 10:48 am

Bloodninja RULES

Neon · Post by **Neon** » September 13th, 2005, 8:28 am

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

best jk i have ever heard ^^

MuRpHy* · Post by MuRpHy* » September 13th, 2005, 12:08 pm

ROFL!

thats a straight up great joke

Post by **Drofder2004** » September 13th, 2005, 3:52 pm

LMFAO!

/me steals joke

Plazma · Post by **Plazma** » September 13th, 2005, 5:13 pm

I made these up.....

How do fish (or snakes) get around a race track? ----- Scalectrix

Who do horses live next to? ---------- Neighbours

Im sorry there both crap. BUT I MADE THEM UP.

Neon · Post by **Neon** » September 13th, 2005, 7:33 pm

there not bad for like yound kids jokes

^^lol yeha thts the best jk ive ever read so i had to post it

Jokes

Jokes

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